In the beginning

It should have been easy.

People have been reproducing since the beginning of time.   Adam and Eve had kids, Noah and Naamah had kids...16 year olds have kids...

I honestly believed that as soon as I stopped my birth control my husband and I would get pregnant and start the grand adventure into parent hood.

That didn't happen.  If it had then we would currently be parents to a 4 or 5 year old.  Instead we are parents of 2 wonderful puppies.

I have another blog, I'm horrible at updating it but I wanted a separate space to talk about my current challenges.  A place to process and vent.

One of my girlfriends mentioned starting a blog to process her feelings about running, she is currently training for her first half marathon and realizing that it takes more than just the physical strength.   Since then I have been obsessing over the idea and realized that I need a safe space to process.  A space where I can say whatever the hell I want whenever I want about how much this infertility shit sucks.

It is possible this will be my only post, I can't promise that every post will be coherent.   But I do encourage you to comment if you happen upon my random ramblings and have something to say in response.   And to my IRL friends and even internet friends I may make along the way--Please don't take anything I write personally.

If I post something bitchy about someone in my life getting knocked up the day after you tell me you are expecting, please know that deep down and on the surface I am really happy for you, however that doesn't change the fact that sometimes I will also be extremely jealous...and sometimes I may just want to scream and say not-nice things.   None of these things are meant to be personal and I won't say them to your face because I don't want to take away from your experience.  However this is my place to process and work through those feelings.   It is meant to be cathartic.

And hopefully by having this safe space I will be able to work through my feelings in a more efficient way and not be so damn melancholy all the time.   I'm great at faking it but I am so tired of faking it.  I just want to be happy again.