At the same time I have always been conflicted by this offer because it was made before I even had a chance to get my head and hubby to get his around how we felt about IVF as an option for us, let alone the idea of having someone else carry the baby.
Part of what bothered me was the lack of true religious guidance on the subject. I knew the Catholic Church had guidelines but at the time (this was over 2 years ago) I didn't see hubby and I taking this step into the church and never even looked into what guidance the Catholic Church offered.
When we started the confirmation process I knew I needed to research the churches teachings on infertility treatments. So I did, and in many ways knowing where the church stands on the topic will help us make decisions going forward. At the same time this knowledge limits our choices and exasperates the feeling of hopelessness knowing that there are less options available.
So what are the church's views?
A lot of it comes down to personal conscious, however because of the church's teachings about the sanctity of life and abortion there are very strict guidelines once you reach a certain point in the process.
In one article I read a statement from a Catholic bioethicists stood out to me, it stated: "the point of the church's position is to protect the dignity of children by honoring the church's conception of natural law."
I feel that this quitting principle is one we will need to keep in mind no matter what steps we take going forward. We must honor the dignity of children and honor the church teaching.
Will we continue with additional IUI cycles? Probably. In my opinion because of the way the process works, and because couples are encouraged to have intercourse daily for 2-3 days after and IUI I personally think that this still honors the dignity of children, as any embryo that is created would either implant in the uterus and grow to full term or not the same way as if IUI was not used, and because of intercourse after the procedure there is no real way of knowing which sperm fertilized the egg.
Will we do IUI if my husband cannot be home, for example if he is deployed (my husband is an active duty sailor in the US Navy) probably not.
Will we do IVF? I still don't know, but when the time comes to cross that bridge I do know that we will be able to enter into whatever decision we make through prayer and study and conversations with clergy about the church teachings. I know that any embryos that are created will be implanted, if not in one cycle then over multiple cycles because their destruction would not honor the church's teachings.
Will we have a surrogate carry an embryo created from my egg and my husbands sperm? No, I feel pretty confident at this point that surrogacy isn't what God has in mind for me and my husband. I hope we don't reach the point where we must make this decision but at least next time my friend offers, she has a tendency to do so at regular intervals, I will have a more solid answer than what I have given her in the past.
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