Shanon's Book Review - Outliers: The Story of Success

Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell is a nerdy book if I have ever read one.  This book takes a long hard look at the little things in life that can make a huge difference in determining success from a young age.  The main argument of the book is that success is tied to opportunity and time, that hard work and practice are required to be successful but that without the opportunity the hard work is worthless.  For example he talks about the inherent advantage children have when they are among the oldest kindergartners in the class verses the youngest simply because these students  have a few more months of maturity--which is a lot when you are only 5 or 6 years old.  

Overall I got a lot of little nuggets of wisdom from this book and thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I put more weight on some of the things Gladwell used to substantiate his thesis (for example, if I have kids who are on the fence age wise between starting kindergarten this year verses next I will probably make the decision based on the child's personality and readiness, not their age, I was among the youngest in my class and always received good grades/was told how smart I am) however overall I think I am better off for having read the book and recommend it to anyone who is interested in the science behind success. 

Shanon's Book Review - Hamilton: The Revolution

Are you as in love with the Hamilton Mixtape as I am?   Have you been lucky enough to see Hamilton in person, either on Broadway or one of the traveling casts?  I love Broadway and love musicals.  From the classics like Hello Dolly, to Thoroughly Modern Millie, to more modern shows like Avenue Q and Hamilton and everything in between I am a musical theater junkie.  I have had the Hamilton Mixtape on my Amazon playlist since it came out on prime music and it is still one of my go-to's when I need upbeat music to get shit done at work or home.

 

I listened to Hamilton the Revolution on audiobook, read by Jeremy McCarter and Lin-Manuel Miranda and I highly recommend you do the same.  Something about hearing the actual writer of the musical talk about his process makes it come to life in a way that reading words on the page can never accomplish.  Walking step by step through the inspiration and creative process that went into the development of this musical that is truly groundbreaking was a wonderful journey.   

I loved getting a behind the scenes look at what aspects of the show are truly historically accurate verses where some creative license was used to fill in the gaps and as someone who hasn't had the chance to see the show in person yet hearing more about the casting process and how the use single actors to fill multiple roles was extremely interesting. I always like researching historical fiction books after I read them to find out what is actually true, it was nice having a book that did that research for me. 

I gave this book 5 stars on Goodreads but honestly if I could have given it 6 or more I would have. 

Baby Shower!!!!

The season of friends and family members showering me with gifts has begun!!! Today I am heading to my mom's house and tomorrow my best friends in Louisville will be throwing my first baby shower.  I am so excited to celebrate our little one with our friends and family members.  The shower is going to be wonderfully nerdy - the theme is Doctor Who!  One of the hosts and I might be the only ones who understand all the references but it is going to be a fun day.

Next week my mom is going to have an open house style shower at her house so that the people who I grew up with and/or helped raise me can come celebrate our little one.  The party at her house isn't themed but I have no doubt it will be a nice evening with people I don't get to see often. 

All things baby are starting to take place and I can already see how blessed we are to have such amazing friends and family members.  Some of my girlfriends here are planning on breaking into my house while we are out of town (we have a dog/house sitter who will actually let them in) to paint the nursery so that I don't have to. 

I really am so grateful to have so many people who are excited to welcome our little man into the world and who are already showing how much the love him and us. 

Whats the nicest thing someone did for you when you were expecting?  If you aren't a parent what is the nicest thing someone has done for you unexpectedly at another time of anticipation?

Family Drama

As I have gotten older I have learned that pretty much everyone has some sort of family drama.   I used to think that it was strange for families to have drama, especially over little things, since my mom's family genuinely likes each other and gets along.  My dad's family had some skeletons in the closet but nothing I would consider drama, and he had a fight with his sister when his dad died but even that seemed legit to me. 
My husbands family isn't exactly the same as mine.  His family doesn't talk about problems they just pretend they don't exist, family events (especially funerals) are made up of more gossip than most of my sorority events in college, and I honestly believe the majority of his immediate family members tolerate each other at best.
Sometimes this difference in attitude is very difficult for me to understand and unsurprisingly it has bubbled to the surface during our baby-celebration planning.  My husband is used to the attitudes so he just kind of ignores it and tells me to do the same but I have a hard time with that.  Especially with my hormones all over the place.
So-what about you? Does your extended family like each other, hate each other, or are they somewhere in the middle? Does your significant others family handle things differently from yours? How do you adjust to the differences?

Fighting for your fertility

I’m cool enough to be a guest blogger!!
If you read this blog you already know the majority about my fertility journey but yesterday my dear friend from college Kelly featured me on her blog Momumental Love and I shared a shlightly different side of the story.
Go check it out!!!

Shanon's Book Review - Girl Wash Your Face

I have officially decided to change the name of my "Reading Right Now" series to Shanon's Book Review.  I feel like it is a better description of what I am actually doing with these posts since some (many) of these books, especially in the beginning,  I may have read a long time ago.  

Now on to my review of "Girl Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies about Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be" by; Rachel Hollis.  I read this book in January, so it hasn't been a super long time ago and gave it a 4* rating on Goodreads but really I feel like it deserves more like 3 stars.  I didn't write a review on Goodreads at the time (and let's be honest, my Goodreads reviews are usually pretty brief) so I thought it would be nice to document my thoughts here.   

Overall I liked the the book.  Hollis has a no-nonsense attitude and is very transparent about her own flaws.  I am sure she is a very fun person to hang out with and I would like to be her friend IRL; which is probably why her book and website and entire brand are so successful (in addition to all of the hard work she has put in.) The book is easy to read, well written and contains a lot of good advice about life.  But I also felt like parts of the book were misleading and disingenuous.

Overall the lies that Hollis focuses on are, in fact, lies that many women hear from society and from themselves and tend to internalize and believe.   Hollis does a great job of focusing on the importance of hard work and dedication to achieve success, and doesn't sugar coat the fact that success does not come overnight and that there are sacrifices we must make along the way.   Where she looses me is with the Christian themes she has woven through the book and the more rah-rah feel good on the surface one-liners. 

I am a Christian and I often enjoy reading Christian literature, studying devotional texts, and even reading "Christian Self Help" books-a category I feel this book was largely marketed as.  But this is NOT a Christian Self Help book, and therein lies the problem.  This is a book written by a woman about how she achieved success and that woman just happens to be a Christian so she talks about God in places.  Why do I have a problem with that? Because she also talks about how an expense purse is a marker of success and that all religions are equally right.  While I understand that different individuals, Christians, and Christian Churches interpret the scripture in different ways I also felt that much of her theology was flawed at best and by marketing this book as a Christian book it is misleading to both Christians and non-Christians about what the Bible has to say about these topics. 

Some of the things Hollis gets right 

- We are not perfect, we are flawed individuals and we need God's grace. (My takeaway: It's ok that we aren't perfect, but we need to do our best.)

- We should love people who are different than us. (My takeaway: Jesus ate dinner with the tax collector, with the harlots, with religious bigots, there is no reason why we as Christians should not be friends with people who's sin looks different than ours, it is just important that we keep in mind that we are also not perfect and that we continually work to correct those sinful acts and share God's word with those people in a loving way.)

What she gets wrong

- Hollis credits her self and hard work and self love for much of her success and wisdom throughout her life, she never credits her belief in God or his influence in inspiring that self love or work ethic.  One could easily make the argument that her presentation of this is a form of self idolatry. 

- Hollis puts way too much emphasis on material wealth and status symbols as measures of success.  (See above about the $1,000 purse) Success is not measured by material possessions.  When Jesus says "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" he is not saying rich people with lots of material goods can't go to heaven.  He is talking about how difficult it is for them to put the focus of their life on God and what matters over those material possessions in order for them to go to heaven.  

- Hollis tells you to never take no for an answer / to never give up on your dreams.  This is bull from a Christian perspective.  Sometimes God tells us NO, hard work isn't going to change his mind any more so than it will change your mom's mind when she tells you not to touch a hot stove.

- Hollis quotes a verse in Hebrews about the marriage bed and says "the things that happen in my bed with my husband cannot be weird or bad or wrong" and that is not what this verse is saying -- AT ALL.  I"m not saying a married couple should only have missionary style intercourse for the purpose of procreating as the good lord intended, I'm saying that when Hebrews says we should "let the marriage bed be undefiled" we are being told to keep our marriage beds pure, not that because we are married the bed remains pure regardless of what we do.  

- Hollis tells us to take care of and save ourselves, that no one else will do it for us.  While it is important to take care of yourself from a biblical perspective God is there to ease our burdens, our husbands, family, and close friends are there to lighten the load.  No one individual is responsible for doing all the work themselves, in fact there is an entire passage of scripture that people like to quote about being equally yoked with your spouse--this literally means sharing the load! 

If you Google "Girl Wash Your Face - Negative Reviews" you will be bombarded with results accusing Hollis of taking advantage of her white privilege or purposely "preaching false gospel".  Personally, I don't think either of those things are intentional.  I think that Hollis believes every spiritual reference she makes is well founded, she is simply wrong, and as far as her "white privilege" goes, Hollis did not grow up in an upper middle class white neighborhood.  She worked hard to get out of a crappy childhood situation though it is apparent that sometime she forgets how hard/impossible it is for the people who come from similar places to get the help they need no matter how hard they try.  

My reflections on this book have totally swayed my initial opinion enough to make me go back and give the book 3 stars instead of 4 on Goodreads - overall I do think a solid 3 stars is probably what it deserves.  The book is well written and engaging but I think it is one sided and flawed enough that the reader should take caution before picking it up.  

Puppies love babies too

My dogs are so excited for me to have the baby.   You might think there is no way that the dogs know I'm pregnant but I disagree.   The dogs have been all over my bump, I think Izzy knew I was pregnant before I did, and even K9 is being a little more gentle around me. 
We have started cleaning out the guest room upstairs that will become the nursery - normally the dogs totally freak out when we get rid of things or deep clean, they have been curious about the space but they haven't done their normal nervous freak out.
So what do you think? Science has proven that trained dogs can tell when there is a medical emergency with their owner but can normal household puppies tell when mom is pregnant?

Writing a birth plan

During my last visit with my doula she encouraged Hubby and I to start working on our birth plan.  She said most people's birth plans are these giant long narratives that doctors may or may not read so she recommended if we take that route that we give the long narrative to our doctor in advance then take a bullet point one page list and/or visual birth plan with us to delivery.
I of course am totally not the long narrative type of girl - So we are starting with bullet points and planning on having a visual birth plan in the delivery room.

What is a visual birth plan was my first question - a visual birth plan is this amazing one page picto-graph with images that represent the different interventions you do and do not want to incorporate in your childbirth experience baring any unexpected complications.   I had never heard of this magic before but I am so excited to incorporate a visual birth plan into our delivery experience.  I am such a visual person and not a narrative person I think this is exactly what I need. 

I'm still researching the different visual birth plan templates to figure out which one offers me more of what I want but I do plan to post my actual plan on here once it is done.  For now these are the different templates I am looking at.

http://www.visualbirthplanbuilder.com/

https://visualbirthplanner.com/

https://www.mamanatural.com/birth-plan-template/

I'm leaning towards the Mama Natural one because I love her book and other resources.

So what about you? Have you ever heard of a visual birth plan? Did you have a birth plan? What kind of birth plan did you utilize? Did your labor and delivery go according to the plan? 

5 things no one told me about being pregnant (so far)

1-How much toilet paper you need to buy. 
   Yeah, everyone knows you pee all the time when you are pregnant but I didn't really translate this into extra toilet paper needs...It feels like I have to change a roll every day now (I don't I did the math, but we are going through about 1 1/2 times as much as normal)

2-What a waste of time most doctors appointments are
    I'm glad that everything is good with baby boy and my appointments have been routine so far but they take less than 10 minutes every visit.  Weight, pulse, blood pressure, temperature, check baby's heart rate, see you in 6 weeks...I thought there would at least be some poking and prodding of my belly or something.

3-How much I would miss Sudafed
    I don't take Sudafed daily or anything but I do have some seasonal allergies, when you combine those with the nasal passage swelling that is normal during pregnancy (yeah, no one told me about that either) I just wanted drugs...I'm about 85% crunchy granola but I don't mess around when it comes to being able to breath so not taking all the drugs because I knew overloading my system would be bad for baby was really hard.

4-That I would be starving!!
    Basically since the nausea of my first trimester passed I have wanted all the food.  I'm assuming this will end at some point as baby grows and there is less room for food in my tummy but for now I'm enjoying it.  My calorie consumption might not be at the "eating for two" level but I'm certainly eating a substantial amount more than I normally do.  Hubby thinks it's hilarious.

5-That my feet would grow
    About two years ago I had a bad case of planters fasciitis and realized I had been wearing shoes about 1/2 a size too small for my entire adult life.  As a result I got rid of most of my shoes and have only really bought a few pair, all that are as comfortable as possible to keep the pain at bay.  No one told me my feet would grow when I was pregnant.  Almost all of my tennis shoes have started to get tight and my dress shoes are out of the picture.  I knew having a baby was expensive and I was prepared to buy a maternity wardrobe but no one told me to include new shoes in the budget!

What are some things that surprised you about pregnancy?

Questioning Everything

One day last week I was super busy at work so I turned off all of my notifications on my phone and my email.  April 1 is a pretty big deadline for me and I needed to get into a groove because one of my coworkers took a new job and I was flying solo on a project that we would normally be doing together. 
Somehow in the midst of this I missed a pretty important email from my boss about an audit request.  Even tho I was on a tight deadline, requests from our auditors needed to take priority because their deadline was March 29, so technically I had more time than they did.  Around 4:30 I opened up my email to see if there was anything needing attention before I left and of course I saw this email and had a major oh crap moment.  I knew their request would take me at least and hour and a half but I could still be home in time for my Junior League conference call at 6:30 so I didn't stress out too much - that is until I realized that I had saved over the file I used to create the report they were asking about and no longer had the year end version easily accessible to answer their questions...
So at 7:15 I was still working on the audit request while listening into my conference call since I was the only person in the office other than the auditors when I finally said screw it, sent them what I had and promised the rest of the report for the morning. 
This in and of itself wasn't a big deal, I have worked until 7 or 8PM (later when I worked in public accounting) more nights than I can count during January - April in my 12 years as an accountant, it is kind of in the job description.  However at the end of the day I no longer work for public accounting.  I work for a corporation that does not pay overtime, gives limited raises, has enough but not a lot of opportunity for advancement, and generally has no reward system for going significantly above and beyond the call of duty.  More importantly because the reward system is built the way it is I get the same reward for putting in significant extra effort as someone who just does a good job.  So now, I am questioning everything.
Hubby had plans after work so I had already told him not to worry about the dogs, of course now I'm a crappy dog mom because it was after 7:30 PM when I got home and the poor things needed to go outside and potty and wanted their dinner. 
Because I was so busy I only got about 3,000 steps all day and didn't stand up for over 3 straight hours, making me an absolutely horrible human mom since pregnant women aren't supposed to sit for extended periods of time due to blood clot risks.   Also I didn't drink enough water today and ate an entire bag of Cadbury chocolate eggs so totally winning on the healthy decisions for me and for baby. 
By the time I got home I let the dogs outside then just stood in the middle of the living room and cried (like ugly cried, complete with sobs and minor hyperventilating).  I can't help but question how I am possibly going to be a good mom to this precious baby who I have wanted for so long I lack the basic ability to leave work at a reasonable hour to let out my dogs.  If instead of dogs I had needed to go get my kid from daycare then what would have happened? Would I have had to leave work then bring my kid back with me? That doesn't exactly work well since bedtimes and dinners are kind of important? Do I just say fuck it, leave work to take care of my kid and not finish my tasks on time?  I have never missed a work deadline in my life and I don't plan to suddenly start but I can help but question how I'm going to keep all of the plates spinning above my head after this baby is born. 

Essential Oils and Pregnancy

I love essential oils.   As someone who is allergic to many manufactured scents I appreciate being able to make my home smell good without worrying about the impact on my lungs.  Now I am also allergic to things like pollen and pet dander so I am not 100% immune to all essential oils but in general I don't have to worry about diffusing something if I think it smells good.

Personally essential oils for me have primarily served the purpose of "they smell good"up until now.  I know that different oils have different effects and understand the basics of aromatherapy so I make sure to diffuse oils that are calming at night time and more energizing during the day but overall I have kind of ignored the true benefits of essential oils beyond "they smell good" until now. 

(OK, that's not 100% true I began to clean with Young Living Thieves Cleaner (we even use it in our hot tub instead of chemicals) about 2 years ago and have been a true believer in the healing properties and lice preventing properties of tea tree oil for many many years.) 

Now that I am pregnant I'm concerned about the safety of pretty much everything, and beyond that I want to take advantage of anything that is available to help keep my pregnancy symptoms at bay or help during delivery and with healing.  So I am delving deeper into the world of essential oils.   Learning all I can to make sure that I am making safe, informed choices about what is best of me and my baby.   

So far this is what I know:

1-Purity of the oil matters.  

A couple of years ago when I started using oils to smell good I knew I wanted to buy oils that were of a high quality because of my allergies.  I researched all of the major brands and determined that Young Living Oils were the best option for me.  There was another company I actually liked better but at the time they had a very limited selection and I had a handful of friends who sold Young Living so I decided that was the best route to go.   I do no sell Young Living Oils but they will be the ones you read about on my blog the most since I am of the opinion that if I have found a brand I trust why would I continue looking elsewhere?   If you are interested in purchasing Young Living Oils and don't have a friend selling them let me know, I'm sure my friend will be happy to help you.   Any link's I include in the future will be to her Young Living page since I do believe in the power of supporting each other in direct sales endeavors.  (If you are interested in ordering oils today here is a link to my friend Kelly's Young Living site.  If you want to get to know Kelly first you can check out her blog Momumental Love )

2-If you don't like the oil, don't use it.

Just because lavender is supposed to be relaxing doesn't mean it has that effect for everyone.  So why subject yourself to a scent you don't enjoy?  There are a ton of oils that work for relaxation, if the first one doesn't work for you try a different one.

3-Carrier oils are necessary for topical application of many oils but not all.

This one I'm a little less clear on but some of the bottles say that the oil is safe for undiluted/neat topical application while others require a 1:1, 2:1, or even 4:1 dilution ratio.  I figure since the labels are different for every oil there must be some sort of science behind it.  Off to learn more!

As I continue to research and learn more I plan on sharing the tips and tricks and specific oil recommendations here.  I've already come up with a giant list of questions to start researching and a handful to ask my doula during our first prenatal visit.  Are there any questions you would like me to make sure I get the answers to? 

Reading Right Now - The Radium Girls

This week's reading right now feature is actually a book I finished about a year ago, The Radium Girls: The Dark Story of America's Shining Women by Kate Moore.  My Goodreads review of this book was short, sweet, and to the point; "What an amazing way to tell the story about these strong women who changed the world." So I want to take advantage of the change to expand on my review a bit now.  

Official book synopsis:

The Curies' newly discovered element of radium makes gleaming headlines across the nation as the fresh face of beauty, and wonder drug of the medical community. From body lotion to tonic water, the popular new element shines bright in the otherwise dark years of the First World War.

Meanwhile, hundreds of girls toil amidst the glowing dust of the radium-dial factories. The glittering chemical covers their bodies from head to toe; they light up the night like industrious fireflies. With such a coveted job, these "shining girls" are the luckiest alive — until they begin to fall mysteriously ill.

But the factories that once offered golden opportunities are now ignoring all claims of the gruesome side effects, and the women's cries of corruption. And as the fatal poison of the radium takes hold, the brave shining girls find themselves embroiled in one of the biggest scandals of America's early 20th century, and in a groundbreaking battle for workers' rights that will echo for centuries to come.

Written with a sparkling voice and breakneck pace, The Radium Girls fully illuminates the inspiring young women exposed to the "wonder" substance of radium, and their awe-inspiring strength in the face of almost impossible circumstances. Their courage and tenacity led to life-changing regulations, research into nuclear bombing, and ultimately saved hundreds of thousands of lives...

This synopsis does not even begin to scratch the surface of how haunting this book truly is.  Kate Moore does an absolutely wonderful job of truly capturing the personalities of the women about whom she is writing.  I remember growing up and learning something somewhere about the glowing women, probably from a footnote in a history book about WWI. I distinctly remember learning about how they would paint their skin to glow in the dark before going out for a night on the town or on dates.  What I don't remember learning is about how horrific this paint was for their bodies or the massive cover up that took place by the companies they worked for to hide the dangers.   I also don't remember learning that if it weren't for these women many if not all of the protections that employees have today would not be in place.   

These women deserve to be honored, not only for the work they did helping paint glow in the dark dials for airplanes to fly at night during the war, nor for the sacrifice they unknowingly made of their health during their employment, but for their determination and drive to right a wrong and bring forward justice for those who suffered.  

I gave this book a 5 star rating on Goodreads, and I am not the only one.  The current average rating is 4.18 stars, which is kind of astronomical for a historical novel.  If you are looking for something to read that will stretch your mind and teach you something while still having a story line I highly recommend you pick this book up.