Big Fat Negative

Today is hubbys birthday.   Today is also the day I got to take a pregnancy test after an IUI we had two weeks ago.  Needless to say it was negative.

 

I'm so upset about this, for some reason even though over the past 4 years I have become a pro at negative pregnancy tests this one hit me extra hard.  I really thought I was pregnant and for some reason I thought that since it was hubbys birthday it would be so fun to see the positive test firs thing this morning.

Instead I woke up super early, took a test and received an error message…Of course with all of the various things going on and all of the tests I’ve had to take in preparation of my surgery etc this was my last test on hand, and it was an expensive digital one that I was keeping for last because I hadn’t wanted to waste it on the times I knew it would be negative but had to verify before starting medication etc..

So at 5:45 this morning, still expecting a positive result I threw on decent clothes and ran to CVS to buy another pregnancy test, just to get a BFN.  At first I was fine.  I told hubby, I got ready for work I was good to go…Then as I was getting on the interstate to go to work traffic was backed up.  The roads this morning were a little slick because there is misty rain going on and it was very foggy.  Of course the idiot behind me is flying up the on ramp not paying attention and almost rear-ended me…and I lot it.

I started ugly crying, on the on ramp to the interstate after almost getting rear ended for no discernable reason…dear lord help me if I’m going to be crazy emotional through this I have done a good job over the past 4 years of having moments then getting on with what has to get done but this was different, bordering on unhealthy.   

1-I do not have the time or energy to stop my life to be crazy every month

2-it’s not healthy to do so

I think we are going to have a lot of thinking to do about this.  Granted it is the first time since I actually was pregnant that I have had a negative when expecting a positive (I’ve been nauseous the last few days and really tired, of course there is also a bug going around so that is probably the actual cause…God I don’t have time to get sick either!)  but intellectually I know I can’t let this run my life or control my emotions.   I have to be able live my life.  I just really don’t know what direction we need to go at this point.  I’m not ready to give up, it has been my dream since I was just a baby to be a mom, and to feel a child growing inside of me is something special that I really want to experience but I’m starting to wonder if my dreams conflict with God’s plans…

So confusing

So I started doing some research last night trying to figure out the best place to start putting together a household binder.  I thought I would be able to find some cute fun printables that I would like that I could use but as many of the bloggers who had printables available for download stated...One size does not fit all...So instead I'm going to work on creating my own in the coming weeks I am by no means a design artist so I'm sure they won't be the cutest things in the world but for now I'm going for functionality over fun so wish me luck.

What are some things you think I should include in my binder?

Motivation

I have lots of grand ideas and things I want to do but somehow 24 hours just aren’t enough in my day.   I think a lot of that probably has to do with lack of motivation to do some of the things I HAVE to do before I start on my wants that leads to procrastination and loss of free time.  For example, I have been at work for almost 3 hours, I have a ton I should be doing but have accomplished exactly 1 thing, which should probably have taken about an hour and am now writing a blog post to email myself that I will upload from my phone about how I’m not doing what I should be doing…funny how that works huh?   

SOOOoooo I am going to make a concentrated effort to work on my time management skills and start plotting out rewards throughout the day for keeping on task.  I have started doing this at home and have been doing a pretty good job at accomplishing household tasks, now just to convert that to the office. 

What are some ways you motivate yourself to stay on task?  What are your favorite self rewards?

My New Love

I love bubbly drinks, I love diet coke, I love sprite, I really love ginger ale…but for the most part I have stopped drinking Cokes since discovering the deliciousness that is Advocare Spark (https://www.advocare.com/15044147/mobile/store/itemdetail.aspx?itemcode=a7093) …However sometimes you just want bubbles…

I’ve bought sparkling water in the past, I know that I like it so I’m surprised with myself for not thinking of keeping it on hand to satisfy my bubble craving sooner,  but alas I have failed at life…

Then someone on  Facebook Group I am a member of mentioned mixing their spark with carbonated water…O-M-G it is amazing.  

And the Kroger here had Perrier & Deer Park  bottled water on sale this week (and La Croix cans) so I may have gone a little crazy on my lunch break today and spent $25 on bottled sparkling water…I cleared the shelf of 1-liter Perrier Lime and Deer Park Sparkling water and bought 3 12 packs of the La Croix flavored sparkling waters…

Yummy!!!

Sriracha Fish and Sautéed Asparagus with Tomatoes

This is one of Hubby's favorite quick dinners.

Ingredients:
1 white fish filet for each person dining.  (note this doesn't keep well so only make enough for one meal!)
5-10 stalks fresh asperagus per person (or more, this is good reheated or cold)
5-10 cherry tomatos per person (also good reheated or cold)
Minced Garlic (to taste)
Butter or olive oil
red pepper flakes (to taste)
Sriracha (to taste)

If using frozen fish, thaw before cooking.  Swai fish works great, Tilapia and Cod are also good.

Melt 1 Tbsp of butter (or use 1 Tbsp olive oil but butter taste better!) in bottom of sauce pan.  When pan is very hot place fish in pan.

Rub a small amount of sriracha onto top of fish filet, I use rough 1 tsp, hubby uses significantly more.  After fish is about 1/2way cooked flip, making sure there is still oil in the pan, if not add more before setting fish back in pan.

Allow fish to finish cooking then serve when cooked through.

While fish is cooking--
Sauté asparagus & tomatoes in saute pan with olive oil, garlic, red pepper flakes until crisp but tender.

Serve with rice, couscous, or pearled barley (my favorite!)

Quick and delicious greek salad

This is a great dinner, or easy to pack for lunch at work, cook the chicken in advance and pack the chicken and dressing separately from other salad ingredients.

Ingredients:

Chicken Breast

Cucumber (diced)

Cherry Tomatoes (halved)

Kalmalata Olives (sliced)

Feta Cheese (crumbled)

Red Onion (diced)

Romain Lettuce (chopped)

Dressing:

1/4c Olive Oil

1 Tbsp Fresh or dried oregano

1 Tbsp Fresh or dried basil

1 tsp Salt 

1 tsp Pepper

1/2 Tbsp Garlic powder

1/4c White vinegar

2 Tbsp Lemon juice
1/4 C crumbled feta cheese (the smaller the crumbles the better) (optional)

Cube chicken and toss in oregano and basil, cook on hot pan with oil until cooked through.

Assemble Salad (per serving):

1 C lettuce

1/4 C cucumber

5 cherry tomatoes

1 Tbsp Olives

1/2 Tbsp red Onion

2 Tbps Feta Cheese

2 Tbsp dressing

1/4 C Chicken

For added yumminess serve with whole wheat naann bread, brush with olive oil and sprinkle with garlic salt then toast/grill on hot pan for added deliciousness.  

Surgery Update

The surgery was a success.  The polyp has been removed and I'm healing well.  I had my followup with my doctor and he was very impressed, he said has never done a more straightforward polypectomy, it was easy to access and remove the pathology was all clear and no reason to be concerned.

Since then I can tell my body is getting back to itself, I can tell that things are starting to level out, weight is starting to fall back off.  I started a new Advocare 24 day challenge last week, today was the last day of the cleanse phase, and it is going great.  I'm feeling like myself again.  I had a couple of draggy days but I grabbed a steak (the one I wrote about on Tuesday night) and was feeling better on Wednesday so I'm sure I just needed some iron or protein.

Once I finish the challenge we will be well on our way back to family planning and hopefully soon there will be a pregnancy announcement on the blog :)