What it's like having a husband in RTC

Today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day.  I didn't even know this day existed until yesterday, but I'm glad it does.  I vowed to help others going through what I am going through by actually blogging and writing down how I feel.  Well here is the first in what I hope will be many posts about just that--how I feel and what I am going through. 


Some days it's hard.
Some days you just want to curl up and cry.
Then you think of the road ahead of you--
The 6 month deployments,
And want to cry some more.

You think--I can't do this alone.
You wonder--How are we going to be able to make it
You ask--Why did we think this was a good idea?

Other days it's easy.
You get the whole bed to your self
The dogs make you laugh
You get coffee with friends
You have less laundry to wash
Those days are good, but then you feel guilty--
Because you don't miss him...

Some days you just have to pretend he is at the store
Buying you ice cream
Or at work...which he is....
Some days it's easier to pretent
Some days pretending is the only way you can get by

Some days you're happy
You're so proud of what he is doing
You get a letter and things are going well
Happy days are the best.

Most days are some combination of all of the above.
You will be so happy then start crying from no where
In a lot of ways the adjustment is like grieving
But remember you will adjust
You will keep strong
You can do it

And at the end of the day, no matter what kind of day it is,
You are married to a wonderful man,
Doing wonderful things,
For you and your family,
For our country. 
It is a sacrifice, but it's worth it.

I am going to help.

I have been a selfish brat.
I tend to be a selfish brat a lot.  Not in a way that a is noticeable to other people.  In fact most people think that I am loving, self sacrificing, kind, giving and anything but selfish--of course the brat part, well we can all be bratty sometimes right?   But I have been extra selfish lately and no one even knows it. 

When Hubby and I first starting to discuss the military I instantly turned to the internet for information.  I drew on the experiences of all of the military spouses and girlfriends that came before me.  I asked questions and got answers.  I read about others experiences to get an idea about what to expect.  I then started this blog for a few different reasons.  I started my blog so that I had a way to easily track/follow all of my blogging friends.  I started my blog as a way to chronicle our journey for my self.  Most of all I started the blog so that I might be able to help others the way I had been helped by all of my friends blogs. 

Then Hubby left for RTC...and I became selfish.  I haven't been blogging because I didn't want to blog.  I haven't been sharing because it's painful.  I don't want to sound like a whiny selfish brat but in reality by not blogging I have been exactly that.  If I am going to help other people I need to be honest and I need to blog about what is going on.  Even if I am emotional and whiny and selfish I need to write about what I feel so that others know that it is normal and OK...so guess what, welcome to the emotional roller coaster that is probably going to be my life for the next 20 years. Please fasten your safety belts and keep your hands inside the car while the ride is in motion.

PS--While I am not a dark depressing person therefore I do not anticipate my blog becoming a constant bitchfest I also don't expect it to be all sunshine and rainbows.  Unfortunately I am more of a sunshine, rainbows and puppies kind of person so I have neglected blogging for the fear something negative would sneak in.  It is time for me to get over that fear and be honest with myself and everyone else so here it goes wish me luck! 

My name is Shanon and I am a self-sufficient, strong, independent, career woman who is madly in love with my husband an enlisted sailor in the US Navy and because of that I desperately want to live up to the June Cleaver standard (which we all know is impossible!)...I am Modern meets Traditional.